MEDITATION RETREAT AT IMS Part 5: Pali Chanting

I came to the Monastic Retreat at the IMS with two intentions; determination and gentleness. Determination, because I know that a spiritual path involves a deep commitment. In previous retreats at Wat Ram Poeng and Wat Chom Tong, I often gave into doubt, believing  that I really wasn’t capable of certain things. As my meditation practice has deepened, I have come to see doubt as a hindrance that I clutch onto out of fear, and wanted to no longer believe this as reality. Gentleness, because in other ways I am often too hard on myself, which only results in an attack on my own heart.

A day before Ajahn Amaro gave his dharma talk on the unreliability of beliefs and perceptions that we cling onto for a false sense of security (see previous blog), a list went on the bulletin board  for volunteers to sing a Pali chant. It is tradition that before a dharma talk, one of the students chants a request in Pali, the language spoken at the time of the Buddha, for the teaching.

As I silently walked past the bulletin board towards a meditation, the little lizard who lives at the base of my brain and is in charge of my survival, immediately woke up from his nap and declared:  “Don’t even think about it!”  I assured him that I wasn’t that crazy as I walked into the meditation hall. After the meditation, I found myself back at the bulletin board. “Keep on moving!”, little lizard said, it’s time for walking meditation. But for reasons that I couldn’t understand, my feet seemed frozen, and before I knew it, my hand was holding a pencil and writing my name on the sign-up sheet. I’m not sure who was doing this action; it sure didn’t seem like me. Another lesson in non-self, I guess.

Little lizard was now on red alert and spitting. “Are you out of your mind? Are you trying to commit suicide? Erase your name immediately. That’s why pencils have erasers – so we lizards can keep you fools safe!”

“I sang in a karaoke bar in Doi Maesalong (previous blog) and survived”, I meekly defended myself.  “I can do this. I did come here with determination, remember?”

“Determination my lizard  butt! That was in a small bar and you sang in English. This is in front of respected monks and 100 experienced meditators at one of the foremost meditation centers in North America, and it is in Pali. What do you know about Pali? They’ll be laughing at you for years. This is worse than suicide!”

Part of me believed my little friend, but I seemed to be struck with the fever of determination. I told him to go back to sleep and that somehow I would get us through this, although to be quite honest, I was having my own doubts.

The next evening, a few other people who had signed up, including my darling wife Lucy, met with Tan Caganando to practice the chant. We met for a couple of nights, forming what we jokingly called the dharma choir. I have to admit, I sounded god-awful, and on more than one occasion little lizard almost convinced me to erase my name. Tan Caganando turned out to be an inspiring and patient teacher, however,  and something about his reverence told me that I could do this.

Tan Caganando

For 5 days, little lizard was thrashing around in distress, mustering every argument that he could, but I practiced diligently nonetheless, and by Friday evening, I was as ready as I would ever be.

How did it turn out? I’m sure my pronunciation of the Pali words was totally incorrect, only to be outmatched by my inability to carry the tune properly, but I sang from my heart and felt wonderful. It was such an honour to be part of an ancient respected tradition hat has touched me so profoundly. After it was over, even little lizard settled down for a well deserved nap after I offered my gratitude for how he has tirelessly tried to ensure my survival for many decades, and I felt peaceful knowing that some of my biggest fears are nothing but mind constructs made from shifting sand.

On the last day, when we could once again talk, I passed Tan Caganando in the hallway. He stopped and told me that it was obvious that I had rehearsed well and what a good job I had done. Bless his gentle wonderful heart.

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MEDITATION RETREAT AT IMS Part 2: Creating the Space

Driving on beautiful New England roads less than two hours west of Boston, one comes to the small town of Barre, Massachusetts. Settled in 1774 (we`re not talking about the First Nation`s people who probably lived in that area for thousands of years), with a population today of just over 5,000, the `downtown’ is a quaint  town square that you really will miss if you blink.

About 10-15 minutes along a rural road outside of Barre, one arrives at the Retreat Centre of the Insight Meditation Society. Entering the property, one sees a colonial red-brick mansion, complete with white columns, sitting atop a spacious garden, that was apparently built by a member of the Massachusetts Legislature at the turn of the last century as his summer estate. Later it was sold to a Christian society who in turn sold it to the founders of the IMS; Joseph Goldstein, Jack Kornfield and Sharon Salzberg in 1976. They had each spent years studying Buddism and Vipassana (Insight)  Meditation in Asia, and were committed to passing this practice along to Westerners as a way of achieving inner happiness and awakening among the delusions and challenges of contemporary life. For 34 years now, thousands of people have come here for various meditation retreats that are offered all year long.

Everything about this centre speaks of clarity and peacefulness. I have never seen an organization, where everything from the running of the office and kitchen, to the silently closing doors, to the simple beauty of each room, runs so smoothly. It promotes a space of perfect harmony for 100 living together in ‘noble silence’ for the common purpose of devoting their minds to meditation, personal awareness and spiritual growth.

Lucy and I  were particularly interested in the annual Monastic Retreat as it would most emulate the experience we had in the wats (Buddhist temples) of Thailand. This particular retreat is designated for people with experience in Vipassana Meditation and who feel a devotion to the wise and spiritual teachings of the Buddha and the spiritual ceremony that goes along with it. Each day, as we sat in the meditation hall, we were led by four exemplary teachers on the podium. All have been schooled in the teachings of Ajahn Chah, the well known and beloved monk of the forestry tradition of north-eastern Thailand who founded over 100 Buddhist temples in the west. Three are Western monks. Ajahn Amaro, the leader of the retreat, often known as the happy monk, is the abbot of the Abhayagiri Monestary, in the Redwood Valley, California, the first forest monastery established in the U.S. His wise teachings, filled with humour and personal sharing were a true inspiration. Ajahn Punnadhammo, the abbot of the Arrow River Forest Hermitage outside of Thunder Bay, Ontario provided crystal clear teachings that cut right to the core of essential issues. Tan Caganando Bikkhu, who started off as a maintenance man at IMS has been a monk for 5 years. Although not yet qualified to give teachings, his absolute stillness in meditation, his beautiful voice when chanting and the reverence in his face was deeply touching. (On another day, I`ll write about how inspirational he was in helping me overcome one of my primary fears.)  Gloria Taraniya Ambrosia, self described as the `almost nun`, who has spent years living in Buddhist temples but not quite ready to give up earthly attachments, especially to muffins,  gave personal  talks that brought all the issues of spiritual growth down to such a human level.

Ajahn Amaro at Monastic Retreat at IMS

Photo by Lucy Frank

Several times a day we would chant Buddhist prayers. For me, it brought me back to Wat Ram Poeng in Thailand,l where I had been so reverently touched by the Buddhist ceremonies, meditations, prayers and chanting. The following is a brief excerpt from my book, Illness is Not for the Faint of Heart, about my healing journey from Lyme Disease:

“Living behind the secure walls of a Buddhist temple, one is immersed in…the daily monastic routine. At 4 a.m. precisely, the first bell of the day is sounded. You feel it reverberating in your bones. There is no sleeping through the first bell. By the time the second bell sounds mere seconds later, I am as fully awake as awake can be…Jumping into a cool shower, I am refreshed and eager to begin my morning meditation. Walking … in the dark, there is already chanting coming from three directions; the nuns in one building, monks from the main temple and the Thai students with a monk from the meditation hall. I could live lifetimes and never tire of the beatific morning ritual, long before the sun makes its first appearance.“

It felt like such a gift to once again become part of these ancient Pali chants that have been sung reverently by millions of people for two and a half milenia.

This history of the Buddhist traditions, the IMS`s regal effort in bringing them to the West, and the wisdom and love of our teachers created the space for our meditation and learning. In the next blog, I will begin sharing some of my personal experiences.

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