I received another email, this time from my dear friend Betina whom I have known and loved since we started working together at the New York City Welfare Department the same day in 1968. She was the first truly spiritual person I ever met, and has been in my heart ever since. She also took over my first apartment in the Chelsea area of Manhattan, as I moved uptown to Spanish Harlem looking for a bigger apartment at one third the rent. More stable than me, she still lives in the same building. But don`t confuse stability for courage or a sense of faith that comes from deep within her core. As a Mexican-American working as a bi-lingual teacher in New York City, she was teaching inner city students to meditate long before meditation was popular.
Betina and Ralph at 'our' building on New Years Eve, 2009
Rafita
You have no idea how happy your e-note made me feel. I have been in a lot of pain since I tore a tendon in my knee and fractured it (according to the MRI) on the plane coming home from my college reunion last July. That ended all my plans of travel…going to visit you in Canada and from there to a friend in Oregon. The whole thing got worse as the months went by, in spite of all my efforts to heal, until I finally said,”enough!!” As much as I dreaded it, the MRI told me that I had to get a total knee replacement.
Today is my last day with my old knee, and I have been talking to it thanking it for all the years of service that it gave me. I almost cried last night when I was talking to it with a glass of wine, romantic music in the background, telling it that it was going to a better place and would no longer have to lug so much weight around. What wine makes one do. I have gained weight because I cannot go more than a few block on my crutches. The pain is too strong. God willing, after I heal in a few months I can walk to Washington Square Park, and other places in New York to lose the weight and to feel the joy of a knee with no pain.
Love you lots,
Betina
While Betina modestly chalks it up to a glass of wine, I know her better. From her spiritual background, she exudes loving kindness to so many people. My only concern for her has been that in her humbleness, she didn`t always extend that same kindness towards herself. While I feel sad for the pain that she has had to suffer, I have to admit that I laughed with tears of joy when I read about how she talked, and gave thanks, sang and cried to her knee. What a wonderful way of loving oneself. With a society obsessed with lusting the perfect body, either someone else`s or wanting one ourselves, it`s such a joy to hear someone romantice one`s own imperfect body with a deep sense of gratitude, with a glass of wine and music thrown in. Why not?
Have you noticed that life can be so difficult at times? Among other things, our bodies get older and throw all sorts of challenges at us. So what do we do about it? Joseph Goldstein talks about the two darts of suffering. The first dart is the feeling of suffering itself. In Betina`s case, the pain in her knee. The second dart is what our mind does with the suffering. Do we grasp onto the painful feelings to such an extent that our whole lives become miserable, or can we learn to detach enough from it that we can maintain our faith and inner feeling of peacefulness amidst the storm of suffering.
Betina rightly said ,”enough!!” but while some would become depressed over the need for surgery, she sang songs of gratitude to her old knee. I emailed her back: Tell your knee that since I have always loved all of you, I love her too and send her blessings on her journey.
May all our healing include a bit of laughter, song and gratitude. That`s how we`ll get through the tough stuff.
Vancouver Island Meditation 